So, we just got back from the doctor's office. Where the girls had their 9 month (er, 10 1/2 month) appointment. There we found out that Em's weighing in at 16 lbs, 10 oz, and Sammi is 17 lb, 5 oz, putting them in at 5th and 7th percentile for their ages. They're healthy but small. Unfortunately, I just heard the 'small' part of things. So, we're back to the high-cal formula, and adding sour cream to their veggies, and sugar to their applesauce. I was so disappointed. After working so hard to beef them up, and getting them up to the 25th percentile at their last appointment, it felt like we were taking a huge step backward. I felt like a failure. While trying to shake the disappointment, I suddenly felt like kicking myself. Why was I disheartened? I have been blessed with 2 healthy babies, two girls who love to giggle, roll and climb on the dog. And more importantly, what does my disappointment say about what I believe about God? Do I believe that God is their father, and He will guide and determine their steps? Do I trust that even if they are tiny, or sick, or have a learning disability, that they are firmly in His hand, and His plan is perfect for them. Am I taking on things that don't belong to me? Yes, I am their mother, and I'll do my best to chubb them up, but ultimately, they are not mine. They have been entrusted to me, and I must work at that to the best of my ability, with God's grace and help, but He loves them far more than I do. And, if He calls them home before I'm ready to let go of them, I have to be okay with that too.
Here's my text of the day :
Acts 17:24-27
"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us."
So, my prayer for my girls is not that they gain weight (although that too :) but that they grow to fear the Lord, and that God is glorified in their lives, even at a very early age. And that I trust that. Much prayer!!
3 comments:
Hi Laura,
I am in the same boat and have the same conversations with myself about my little girl and trusting God. She was 17lb 13 ounces at her 9 months appointment. and what made it seem worse to me was that her friends who are 6 months and 5 months weighed the same as her! made me feel like I was doing something wrong. There are some advantages - I can still easily carry her around in the sling for a hour while out shopping!
Enjoy your little girls!
Karin
Dear Laura,
Do NOT become discouraged, girl! Motherhood is one of the most challenging, most rewarding tasks God can give you. It will give you sleepless nights (MANY sleepless nights!), many worries (because we do not leave them at God's throne), and oh so many joys. So as you struggle with a sense of failure, and as your healthy little ones become more active, realize that motherhood is going to cause a mixture of anxiety and joy. It is an exhausting task to ensure you take care of them, and nourish them, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You can do it, with God's help. Nourishing twins is more challenging, but God has chosen you and Francis to take on this challenge. You go girl:)
Hi Laura,
I found your blog...not sure how again though!
I have been through the whole weight issue thing with Chelsea when she was little (and we are excited that now at 4 years of age she is only slightly shorter and weighs slightly less than others her age at 31 lbs)! She weighed just about 15lbs at a year and I was sent to a pediatrician numerous times, told to feed her high calorie foods, etc. anything to increase her calorie intake and she had many tests done. She was a happy child though -- like your girls -- and I worried because my doctors made me worry. Unless your girls are unhappy and show signs of being unhealthy - try not to worry! My docter once said that there are two things you can't fight a child on: eating and toilet training! I can go on and on about this topic but I will refrain from doing so on here!!! Just remember to try and relax about it because some babies just aren't meant to be big -- and try not let the stress of it take over so you don't enjoy them as much because they grow up so quickly...
Lois
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